


Breathe

by superpotterdiaries27



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 12:58:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18032201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superpotterdiaries27/pseuds/superpotterdiaries27
Summary: He won’t let himself think about what happened back there.He’s going to figure out who started the apocalypse and help avert it.That’s all that matters now.





	Breathe

When he gets back, he knows he won’t ever be the same. He feels like he can’t breathe. Like he won’t ever be able to breathe properly again.

But he humors his family pretending he’s just peachy and has a brief chat with them while making a sandwich and having a coffee.

And when he’s done answering all their dumb questions, he decides to shower because he wants to clean himself and get rid of any remnants that remind him of that hellhole.

So, he keeps scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and hoping that he can clean everything off and start off new.

But of course, it’s not that simple. Even if he’s in his thirteen-year-old body again and he’s trying to forget everything that happened, the memories are still there. 

He won’t let himself think about what happened back there. He’s going to figure out who started the apocalypse and help avert it. That’s all that matters now.

But he still can’t breathe.

* * *

Many years into the apocalypse, she found him and after they made their deal, she said, “But before you get your first assignment, I’d like to get something else from you, an insurance of sorts, you understand, don’t you?” with a smirk on her face and then she caressed his cheek.

Then his clothes disappeared.

And then, then- he won’t think about what happened after.

He has a mission after all and nothing else matters but averting the apocalypse.

Even if he pretends it didn’t happen and nothing matters but his mission, he still can’t breathe.

* * *

She makes him feel sick. As he talks to her, he feels like he can’t breathe.

“I’m not looking for happy,” He says to her.

He wants to yell at her, to tell her to stop touching him but he doesn’t.

Instead, he makes the deal.

After all, nothing else matters but his mission.

But he still can’t breathe.

* * *

He can’t breathe. He thinks he’s going to throw up. She couldn’t even leave him alone in the bathroom. The implications of her offering make him sick. But he won’t focus on that.

He needs to stop her and the commission. He needs to find out who helps cause the apocalypse. He can’t think about anything else right now.

But he still can’t breathe.

* * *

“I saved you, Five,” She says, with that all-knowing gleam in her eyes and a smirk.

“You made me a killer.” _And a rape victim with trust issues. Not to mention all his other issues._ He doesn’t say any of those things out loud. Saying them aloud would make them true and he can’t, can’t, can’t- he _won’t_.

He’s shaking. But it doesn’t matter because the only thing that matters to him right now is the mission. So, he blows everything up and reverses time.

But he still can’t fucking breathe.

* * *

After they’ve travelled in time and helped Vanya control her powers, they get back home and things start to calm down a little.

That's when he thinks maybe, maybe he can tell someone and talk about it. 

And so, when Vanya asks him one day how he’s doing, he tells her. Not everything of course.

But it’s a start.

* * *

Many months later, Five can admit it.

The Handler raped him.

He survived.

He will never be the same.

But at least he’s still breathing. 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:  
> Rewatching TUA, I noticed that The Handler exhibits a lot of creepy/ sexual predator behaviors towards Five in a lot of scenes that they are in together so I wanted to explore that and write about it in this fic.  
> Please review.  
> Thank you, 
> 
> Resources:  
> 1) National Sexual Assault Hotline  
> Call 1-800-656-4673. Available 24 hours everyday.
> 
> 2)National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  
> Call 1-800-273-8255. Available 24 hours everyday.


End file.
